Good Old-Fashioned Human Connection
I love people.
I know a lot of wonderful individuals who love the idea of people; perhaps they are fascinated by the human experience or notions about what people are capable of. As Glennon Doyle writes of her introversion and sensitivity: "I love humanity but actual human beings are tricky for me. I love people but not in person. For example, I would die for you but not, like… meet you for coffee."
That's not me.
I love people, in person and up close. I want to meet you for coffee, and I don't even drink coffee! I want you to be an actual human being, in front of me, embodying your full human self. I want to stay up all night delving into your specific brand of humanness. It's how I'm wired.
In my last job, I worked in an open office where there were people present and in conversations 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I coordinated 120 volunteers and knew all of their names and most of their faces. I got to see and check in with many of them on a weekly basis. Every three months, I spent four full Saturdays facilitating trainings for new volunteers (who quickly turned into more people for me to love) as we explored some of the most sensitive topics regarding human suffering (focusing on addiction and suicidality). Intermittently, I would talk on the phone with strangers about the most difficult experiences of their lives. And while those calls weren't always smooth or easy, I loved getting to be part of conversations that, more often than not, helped people start to see how lovable they truly are, even at their worst. I adored the messy, real, and raw human interactions.
Then, overnight, almost exactly two years ago, my job went from being around all those people to being at home nearly all day, every day, sitting at a computer in my one-bedroom apartment, alone but for my partner (who prefers to work silently).
Throughout this pandemic, I've had to face some of my deepest fears about separation and disconnection by way of spending almost all of my time away from people.
I honestly fared pretty well, and I give immense credit to the Enneagram for that. I had returned home from six days of in-person training through The Narrative Enneagram in February of 2020, loving people more than ever, but also far more aware of and compassionate toward my own inner workings, patterns, and needs. I recognized the power of being with myself; truly present to my own experience without the compulsive and automatic pattern of unconsciously merging with others.
I learned how to feel the feelings my type structure had built up protections to avoid.
And I learned to appreciate my available resources.
With all its pitfalls, I'm grateful for Zoom. I've learned to cry openly, even when I know I'm being recorded. I've learned to look at my own face while I share intimate things. I've learned to experience deep connection with people I may never meet in person. And I've learned to sit with myself after the meeting ends, no lingering, no commute - only me alone again with myself.
And yet, there's nothing like real human contact.
Over the past couple of months, I was fortunate enough to safely gather with a couple different groups of people. We snuggled on the couch and shared food and laughed deeply. We stayed up late chatting about anything and everything. This past week, I got to be in physical space with a wonderful group of women, exploring the possibilities of a space beyond scarce; a world where we stopped crushing our own dreams and instead considered our responsibility to bring forth our unique gifts so the world can benefit from them.
It soothed my body, heart, mind, and spirit. Hugging. Talking over people. Leaning in close. Noticing each other’s full body language. Getting to love people up close.
I know it’s still important to be cautious. We continue to reckon with a lot as a species, from our economic and education system prioritizing productivity over safety to the threat of nuclear war to many hundreds of metaphorical miles to go in our reckoning with racial and other identity-based oppression.
Even though I’m back home and there’s a few more weeks of Oregon winter keeping me largely inside, time in the world and with others has only deepened my love for people. In my coaching calls with clients, I can feel my renewed belief in the marvelous human capacity to connect, not only with others but with ourselves. When we wake up to who and what we truly are, we can glimpse how the potential for connection is not only limitless - it is our truest nature and our birthright to feel connection.
I’m grateful for the technologies that help us stay connected. The podcast I started nearly six months ago has been played in at least seven countries, and my Wake Up & Dream calls have spanned at least five.
When we get to experience how our bodies and faces respond to others’ experiences - even across great distances - I am struck with awe at how healing our connections can be. So while I’ve been feeling less connected to others through social media, I have been feeling deeper connections with those I’m in real-time contact with, whether it’s via Zoom, over the phone, or in a podcast interview (more info to come on recent interviews!).
In my ongoing quest to foster meaningful connections with ourselves and with others, I want to invite you to join us for the Enneagram Typecast’s first Sunday Soiree. This will be a live gathering with no recording. Any level of Enneagram knowledge is welcome. We’ll lead a centering practice at the beginning to support us all in connecting with ourselves and then we’ll share and learn from each other in real time. Bring any questions you have or simply bring your willingness to be grounded, open, and curious. And if you miss this one, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter to hear about future opportunities for connection!
I’m looking forward to it.
With Love,
~Caryn
“People are hard to hate up close. Move in.” - Brené Brown
For Reflection
Take these questions to your journal, your next deep conversation, your therapist, coach or counselor, or simply ponder them throughout the upcoming week.
Which people is it easiest for you to love? Which people are more difficult for you to love?
When life doesn’t happen on your terms or in your preferred way, what resources do you have to meet the moment?
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