The Return & Celebration

Hi there. It's been a while... and it already feels good to return to this space where I make myself more available to connect with you. As much as I've been taking in and learning during my time "cocooning" lately, I'm excited to be entering another phase of connection.

The rhythm of life is something I've often resisted, hoping for connection, excitement, and growth 100% of the time and feeling disappointed when I find myself in any other mental, physical, or emotional space.

But now that I feel myself returning, I'm able to be grateful for the contrast of the solitude and the muck of the previous cycle. And I'm proud of myself for being with the experiences of discomfort (more or less), even while it was happening.

As an Enneagram Type 9, I often don't realize how far I've drifted from myself until I return. But I'm practicing coming back more often - building that muscle - and it's showing.

Even when parts of my world (this newsletter, for example) fall away for a while, it feels easier to come back because I've been practicing coming back to myself.

In relationship, whether it's with another person, a community, a concept, or any other aspect of life or Self, the process of coming back is so juicy.

And now that I'm here... it's time to celebrate!

Throughout August and September, I hosted weekly discussions looking at defense mechanisms through the lens of the Enneagram. And though I struggled to set clear and measurable goals around this experiment, I can't deny that it was a huge success. Here's how I know:

-- I did a new thing and saw it all the way through, from beginning to end!
-- At least three people showed up to each discussion, and at some there were more than I can count on one hand!
-- I heard from participants that they got something out of our time together!
-- I learned a lot, enjoyed myself, and generally felt good about the project!
-- Together, we raised $535 for organizations doing change work!!

All those amazing things happened, and yet I've had to actively remind myself that this was a huge success that deserves a bit of celebration.

This is partly because I find myself comparing my little project to other amazing things other people are putting out into the world, and even comparing it to future versions of offerings I will make. Learning can get twisted into thinking about improvement, which makes it hard to celebrate.

And It's partly because it already feels so far away - so much has happened between then and now and part of me feels like I missed the window for celebrating.

But taking time to acknowledge accomplishments, and to really celebrate them, has a lot of power.

Most of us have been taught not to brag. Or we don't want to get too caught up in celebrating before the work is "done," lest we find ourselves complacent. But the truth is, the work is never done. So when will we enjoy ourselves??

As one of my favorite change-makers, adrienne maree brown, writes in her book, Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good:
“There is no way to repress pleasure and expect liberation, satisfaction, or joy.”

Neurobiologically-speaking, we are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. And if we don't take a moment to celebrate, we suppress the dopamine rush that naturally comes with the pleasure we are after. If we refuse to celebrate, over time we risk pushing the bar ever-higher before we allow ourselves to feel good and we end up chasing enormous goals and feeling horrible while doing it because we're not "there" yet.

Pro tip: "There" can become "here" through small acts of celebration. Right now.

If you're like me, you're so acutely aware of people who are suffering and know that your celebration may inadvertently make them feel worse. I get it. Other peoples' celebrations can be super triggering if you're in a space where you aren't ready to celebrate yourself.

But don't let that keep you from the gift that is self-celebration. You don't have to post about it or even share it with many people.

Sometimes I celebrate by:
- Putting on music and dancing around my apartment!
- Acknowledging myself out loud or in writing when I do things I said I was going to do (like write this newsletter!). A simple "I did it!" is perfect!
- Hugging my quarantine-mate (and life partner)!
- Walking outside without my phone!
- Snacking or eating dessert!
- Consciously pausing to feel good enough about what I can control in the present moment!
- Texting a friend who I know is in a good enough space to receive my celebratory message!
- Adding exclamation points just for the fun of it!

Do I do those things anyway? YES! But when I attach them to a specific accomplishment and name them "celebration" there's more goodness in the experience.

Celebration can be attached to journaling or taking a shower or allowing yourself to feel disappointed or making a to-do list or finishing a puzzle or baking some bread or buying yourself that thing you wanted from a not-Amazon website or making a decision or ignoring perfectionism or daring to dream in the face of extreme uncertainty.

Lately, I've been celebrating all of those things and more. There are so many reasons to celebrate, and when you start looking for them, I know you'll find all sorts of things to celebrate!

When you do, consider me your friend who would love to hear about it and celebrate with you.

I've got some really exciting news coming up that I am bursting with excitement to share with you, but it's not ready yet. So you have some time to prepare before I start asking you to celebrate with me. ;)

With Love,
~ Caryn

For Reflection

• What keeps you from celebrating?

• What stories do you have about celebration? Where did they come from?

• What's something you can celebrate yourself for right now?

• What would it look like to build celebration into your life more regularly?