Trust the Process
My first job out of graduate school was as a child and family therapist in a community mental health clinic. I was 26 years old, working with under-resourced families. It was stressful to say the least.
My friend & coworker introduced me to cross stitch (thanks, Jenny!) and I decided to give it a try - a creative outlet seemed important.
The first project I embarked on was of a butterfly. I chose bright colors and followed the template. It was so satisfying watching how something began to fill the previously blank canvas. I went slowly and steadily and even learned how to do a French knot like the template called for. It was exactly what I needed.
But as I came to the end of the project, I paused. I felt resistance arise within me. Next to the butterfly on the template were the words: “Trust the Process”.
This was something my clinical supervisor had been saying to me when I would come to her, worried I wasn’t serving my clients well enough. And I hated it.
I doubted all the methods I had learned; doubted myself; doubted the entire possibility of helping anyone within systems that seemed so broken. I felt like these families weren’t getting what they needed and I wasn’t even sure I was growing as a therapist.
With cross stitch, the process was simple, linear, and low-stakes. But I absolutely refused to embroider this maxim on my work. Because when it came to things that really mattered…
I did not trust the process.
And I couldn’t bring myself to pretend that I did. Not even on this whimsical butterfly cross stitch.
Which process was I supposed to be trusting, anyway??
Instead, I wrote “Find your Wings”.
I desperately wanted to find my wings - to embrace my gifts, and share them with the world. I wanted to be done with the messy and confusing part and skip ahead to where I had it all figured out. Surely when I got “there” I would be serving my clients meaningfully while enjoying a sense of personal satisfaction. I would soar with ease.
Image of a cross stitch with a large butterfly and two smaller butterflies with the words “Find your Wings” embroidered at the top
Not long after I made this cross stitch, I left that job, totally burnt out. My wings still hadn't appeared and I still couldn’t trust the process, so I gave up on it.
Or so I thought.
Looking back, I can see that I was just entering a new stage of the process.
I cocooned.
I gave myself time to rest and recharge. I prioritized getting to know myself better and finding out what was truly me and what was ready to fall away in the transformation process.
I explored healing modalities that I hadn’t learned about in grad school, including some that are frowned upon by the establishments I had been taught to trust (but still didn't fully).
I began to uncover the ways that, even as I desperately proclaimed that I wanted to “find my wings,” what I was actually doing internally was arguing for my limitations. I began uncovering my deepest wounds. Shockingly, I also found compassion for them.
The Enneagram was and continues to be a major part of my journey toward trusting the process of life and of my own unfolding. It helps me name my ego’s distortions without shaming them, instead showing me how these distortions are pointing back toward my Essence. [Other terms for Essence include Highest Self, Inherent Wholeness, Divine Nature, and many more.]
With the Enneagram as my map, the bigger picture started to emerge. I became aware of my protective patterns and began to recognize their value. I learned to appreciate my doubt! It had been a crucial part of leading me into much deeper self-discovery than I would have found if I had magically sprouted wings when I was wishing for them.
As much as I resented it, I couldn't skip ahead in my process. And I've found it in me to be grateful, even for this.
The Enneagram provides a template that helps us bring what typically hangs out in our shadows more into the light. It may not exactly show us which stitch to place where, but it does shows us the rigid ways we cling to survival mechanisms and refuse to trust our inner guidance - the nudges that urge us forward on the path home to our Essential Nature.
There’s a lot of depth and nuance to the Enneagram and trying to learn it all at once can be overwhelming. I find it helps to break it down into a process that breaks down ways to work with it - not just learn about it.
And while there are many processes paired with the Enneagram, one that has stood the test of time is what Dr. David Daniels (co-founder of The Narrative Enneagram) calls the Universal Growth Process.
I have come to trust this process.
That’s why I use it as the foundation for my 6-week group program, Engaging the Enneagram: Reducing Reactivity and Living from Essence.
In a small group, we’ll explore the 6 A’s (shout out to my first Enneagram teacher, Abi Robins for the 6th A!):
Awareness, Acceptance, Appreciation, Action, Adherence, and Assistance.
I'll offer some of my favorite practices as we walk through each A together as a small group and support each other as we each engage in our own processes. I also created an awesome workbook with mini teachings, reflection questions, and practices you can return to time and time again.
This group provides a process you can trust to help you trust the process.
If this calls to you, I’d love for you to join. Group sessions start next week, but you'll get access to the workbook as soon as you register. The first step is a brief application.
Wherever you're at on your own journey, I hope you find the courage to trust the process, even if you don't yet know exactly where it's leading.
With Love,
~Caryn
P.S. A few months ago, after a healing session that brought me insight into where I lost trust in my own process, I was inspired to invite my inner child to join me in updating my butterfly project…
Image of the same cross stitch from above but with the words “Find Your Wings” removed and the words “Trust the process” embroidered at the bottom
